Category: Verse


Outside

Sitting outside

In a cool, spring breeze

Feeling chilly.

Why am I still here?
Now is the time.
Walk back in, and see
My stupid, messy house,

 and dilapidated couch.

I’m not sitting on it.
That’s how my children will see it.

Turn off the television,

Go to bed.

Spring Weekend

He’d be asleep now,
It’s 7:43pm and it’s dark.

Spring.

I have flowers in the house,
Picked from the garden this evening.

All around I can hear neighbours
With friends over,
Smell their barbeques
And listen to their joy.

That used to be us,
Boy at the barbie,
Me inside,
Organising the salads.

Spring.
So many flowers.
So much love,
And
Joy.

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It was six years yesterday.
A time to think about all that has happened in all our lives in that time.

This time of year is very, very difficult.
It begins with my mum’s birthday on Feb 13 and ends with our wedding anniversary on Mar 13.

In between is Valentine’s Day (our last weekend together) and the anniversary of the stroke.

Six years ago I was full of optimism and absolutely sure that John would come home, no matter what. I thought that that all mountains were surmountable.
I thought I could anticipate any obstacle.

Since then the unanticipated obstacles have appeared.

I’m proud of the way my little family has climbed over them but I worry about our ability to continue to climb over and keep going.

Life is becoming more and more frenetic. The old life appears from this distance to be so serene, yet I know that it wasn’t.

I don’t visit as often as I once did, and this is a source of anxiety and guilt.

We have a wonderful friend in Sandra, who visits so often and makes John’s life as good as it can be. We are both so lucky to have her. She has picked up where I leave off.

Beauty keeps me going, and I hope it keeps our children going too.

The beauty of an evening sky, the rain today, my little puppy Piño and our old dog Max. I try to pass the joy of this beauty on to our darling children.

And beauty reminds me of love.

The love John has for us,
The love we have for him.
The love of all of our friends.

Love and Beauty.

Unending Love

I heard this poem today, Valentine’s Day. Sort of sums it all up for me.

If you wish to see Gregory Peck read it, dedicated to Audrey Hepburn, here’s the link:

Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it’s age-old pain,
It’s ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.
Rabindranath Tagore

Summer Night

Mr heart creaks,
And cracks.
I walk outside
And see the stars shining, and
A tiny wisp of breeze
Stirs the leaves.

And I think of those
Who sleep
(I hope)
And those
Who cannot
Sleep.

The Top of The Hill

You’re at the top of the hill
And I’m down here.

We’re in bed
In the same postcode

And an ocean apart.

You’re sound asleep, no doubt
In your sterile world
Loved by those who care for you
In their professional way.

Did you have a nice dinner?

Are you comfortable?

Is the sound of the rain soothing you,
As it does me?

The Hard Words

I am
Always scared
Of
Saying the hard words.

You may not
Love me
Any more?

The words
Cannot
Go
Unspoken

Or we may
Never speak again.

Photograph

I came across a photograph
While fossicking through a drawer.

It’s just a licence photo,
One of those ones
We all love to hate.

You look like a tough guy,
But I know you’re not.

You never were.

I realise
That the memories are slipping,
Sliding,
Disappearing with the ocean’s breeze.

And I need
These little discoveries

To remember you

As you were.

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Know

I hope 
That you know
How much you are loved.

The sun will lose his warmth
The moon, her glow
The stars, their sparkle

If you do not know
My love

Used To Be

I used to be
Spectacularly,
Awesomely,
Wonderful.

Now,
I’m just
One of many
Who love you.

Tell me,
How does that work?

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